An Ode

In no particular form, correct style, or heartfelt meaning, An Ode. To Job.

I was so excited to graduate college,
And set forth into the real world with knowledge,
But you've led me astray,
And I just have to say,
I'm just really not that fond of you.

There's nothing for me to do all day,
I think I'll start "working" from home, ok?
I'd be more productive,
There would be less deductive, (huh?)
And I would be much more fun too.

Do you know I've considered trucking?
And nannying, and waitressing, or just nothing?
The shack down the street,
Looks like paradise to me,
If I was able to quit and say suck it...hmm. Maybe not.

Ok, I take that back, it's not you...
Let's blame the economy, and "change" too.
I just want something demanding,
And difficult, and daring,
To prove my worth (and stop swearing).

Let's work on this, mmmkay?
In fact I think we should do happy hour today.
We can sort out our troubles,
Get over our fumbles,
And start all over, hooray!

I have a case of The First Official Work Day of the New Year

At the end of my last post regarding Work Withdrawal I said to "check back tomorrow for Part II". Well, in case you haven't noticed, 12 days have gone by and there is no need to continue with Part II for one big reason:

I wouldn't be able to give much advice about work withdrawal since I went off the deep end into La La Land of vacation exhilaration and became numb to all work related feelings and/or doings. Oh, and it's past the holidays.

As I sit here in the black hole of work, slowly thawing and reintroducing myself to the office environment, I'm slightly disappointed that a sunny, bright, it's-a-brand-new-year-attitude hasn't inhabited my brain. Instead, a strange and unfamiliar feeling of wrath has unleashed itself. It's possible that the teasing 80 degree weather over the weekend that dropped to a freezing 32 degrees and pouring rain on the very day I go back to work might have something to do with it. Nonetheless, I am just not feeling it today and I have a slight suspicion that many other people are not feeling it right along with me.

Go ahead and throw me in the Pessimistic Group. I'm well acquainted. In fact, that is one of my new years resolutions--stop being pessimistic. I'm off to a great start, huh? But there is always good in the bad, however, and I have found it while riding on the negativity train:

The fact that I am not feeling it on the first day back from work, after the holiday vacation, and a fresh start to a new year, tells me something....perhaps I should think about change. (Now isn't that a familiar word as of late.)

And by change, I of course mean change myself.

Oh, to dare to delve into the throes and woes of this downsizing economy. I wish myself good luck.

Work Withdrawal, You Can Get Through It.

I apologize for the lack of posts lately. I've been thrown into this thing called "The Holidays" where we don't work for a few days. I've been having a hard time adjusting. How am I supposed to blog when I don't sit in front of a computer all day and get bored? I figure that some of you might be going through the same thing so I think today's post should be: How to Survive the Work Withdrawal Period.

Note: This may be posted in parts because as "The Holidays" continue more instances might arise that I will have to properly assess and then remedy.

I'll start with the obvious--come to terms with the fact that you and the computer are a separate person. I know it's hard. You spend all day with Computer. He is your window to the internet, email, chatting, blogging, solitaire, maybe even online poker. Whatever you use him for, he is there for you. Unless you have my work computer who betrayed me. (I did get to leave early on Friday for those of you who read my PC and Me post...the screen turned a neon blue and I got the hell out of dodge.)

In order to fill the void of Computer you will need to replace it with something else. Like exercise. Ok ok, I'll be realistic--food. Let food be your window to new and undiscovered things. Work deprives you of binge eating so why not try it now while you have the chance.

Here's another big one--stop feeling guilty for doing nothing related to work. While at work we often find ourselves doing things other than work. It could range from taking a ridiculously long time to get coffee to facebook stalking for endless hours. I personally find myself strolling to the bathroom instead of rushing. Or remembering I need to email an old friend and describe every bit of detail going on in my life, down to what I'm wearing that day and what I ate for breakfast.

During these bouts of stalling a cloud of guilt soon settles over my head and rains down on my procrastination parade. So, when at home, watching TV or chatting mindlessly with a friend or family member, or sleeping in, and guilt barges in uninvited, remind yourself that it is A-OK to be lazy. Maybe you'll be SO lazy during your mini vacation that you'll be dying to do work on Monday! Right.

And last, but not least, for today--You can say whatever you want to now. Take advantage. I have a political preference that does not match my fellow coworkers. Any of them. I am the token (insert my political preference) in the office. Because I am currently positioned at the bottom of the totem pole I can't exactly nip their "casual" comments in the butt, or debate their (insert offending adjective) views with my intelligent points. I simple muster a half-smile, try not to sever my tongue, and give them a good ol' "aw shucks" shrug that really means "Coward. Trying your political points out on me since you know I can't fully disagree and tell you you're dillusional. Yet."

Now I can fully voice my opinions and comments to anyone, and anywhere, I please. I might just walk around the house spouting off every thought that goes through my head just because I can. (Bet all of you are glad we're only cyber-friends now, huh? You won't have to listen to any of my rants.)

Check back tomorrow for Part II.

The PC and me, a tale of outsmarting.

My computer and I are bickering.

It all started yesterday afternoon when a little red box appeared in the middle of my screen. It said: "CHECK YOUR COMPUTER SECURITY! THERE ARE MULTIPLE RISKS THAT CAN LEAD TO TOTAL SYSTEM CRASH!"

I frantically rushed to click on the scary alert (rush = very quickly move the mouse. It's not like your body can exert any frantic motion on a computer screen. Ok, maybe you could freak out and move the mouse psychotically all over the screen but I've never done that. Except when Lola thinks the mouse is a bug on the screen).

After watching the computer detect 39 'HIGH ALERT' potential viruses I thoroughly agreed to proceed with the Antivirus Cleanup and Download that was suggested. After all, I'm no computer genius. My idea of 'fixing' a computer problem is the restart button. If the computer thinks I should download Antivirus cleanup, well, I chummily agree. Computer knows all. I click download. Bloggy buddies: If you think your computer may be in severe cyber danger then ya'll should download it too. Don't worry guys, it's only $75.50.

Wait. $75.50?! I have to pay to 'save' my computer? Don't these trusty computers come with built in antiviral downloads that are free?? Apparently not. In which case, I decide the computer is attempting to scam me.

So for the rest of the afternoon, and this morning, an alert box has popped up every other minute. The message varies from 'virus detection', to 'system alert', to 'computer unprotected', bla bla bla. Might as well be a different language for all I care. I ignore each alert by smugly closing the box and going on my merry way. "Oh sure", I think, "you're 'finding' thousands of 'viruses'."

Well now it's gotten to the point where every time I open Internet Explorer, genius computer over here wants me to make sure I'm aware I'm going to an "unsecured site". As if we're buddies, and he's just lookin' out for my best interests.

It's becoming difficult to do anything with the alerts flashing all over the screen (remember VH1's Pop Up Video? Imagine that on my computer, but with obnoxious messages instead of useless, but nonetheless interesting, tidbits about has beens), but I refuse to give in. I hate this computer anyway. It's a...PC.

(I know a lot of you have PC's, and power to you. Whatever floats your boat. What floats my boat, however, is a glossy, silver, MacBookPro (No, I haven't upgraded yet. Stop being all high and mighty about your 3 pound Mac Air. Does yours have the word 'Pro' in it? Ok, well then be quiet))

Anyways, this all started because I had originally just wanted to take on the PC. A you-don't-scare-me kind of tactic. But then I notice something: Why am I all huffy and bothered over this ridiculous piece of machinery? I'm actually annoyed that it's becoming near to impossible to do work! The computer is even smarter than I thought! He's made me worried about getting work done!

So now I just want him to blow up. If he's so polluted with viruses, threats, and unknown information, why doesn't he just explode already so I can call it a day and start my weekend early.

I'll let you know how it goes. Actually, if you don't get an update from me later today then just assume my brilliant plan worked and I'm out enjoying the sunny, 70 degree Texas weather while the rest of you are still stuck suffering in the work week until 6.

An Exaggeration, in 3 parts.

Each working day consists of 3 parts:

The Beginning (or, entrapment).

The Middle (or, torture).

and,

The End (or, release).

The Beginning has hope. I'm eager (or my adderall kicks in) to achieve. I breeze into my office, plop my purse down, glance at the mail (I actually do get mail, surprisingly enough. My engraved letter opener-thanks cousin Whitney!- now has a purpose) and sign into my email account. I feel awake, alert, and a little bit wired. Again, it could be the adderall. Nonetheless, I am ready to work. I:

-check emails (most of which I have already been notified of by my Blackberry)

-turn my phone on silent (the phone becomes less significant at work. Email, gchat, and AIM take preference)

-eat a bowl of cheerios (this is one of the highlights of my day. Sigh.)

-Skim Drudge Report headlines (a Canadian made a robot his life long partner?!)

and...then I enter into Entrapment (said in scary, booming voice).

Entrapment has no hope. I have accomplished the necessary tasks (arrive, sit, eat) and now I am bait to the 8 hour monster.

I don't really have a personality in The Middle phase. Therefore it becomes the Torture period for not just me, but whoever I communicate and interact with as well. Luckily, most people in the office tend to go out for lunch (maybe I am part of that reason?) so my gchat and AIM friends get the fun task of cyber-hanging-out with me. I respond to everything with "ugh", or "ufgbsahjgbiugbib", or "is it 5?" I stare blankly out the window. I try to stay away from the clock, it just exacerbates what I'm already feeling. (I know it's only 12:15 *eyes well up with tears*)

And then....The End. The light at the end of the tunnel. The saving grace. The glimpse of possible contentment. It happens around 3pm. Warmth and feeling pours back into my body and I start attempting simple tasks:

-weakly press 'inbox', and read email

-get a glass of water (avoid giant clock in kitchen. After all, it was a narrow escape from Torture-not a clean break)

-respond to gchat IM in complete sentences ("Yes, I will meet you at Happy Hour.")

And then, Release comes, and I feel a surge of energy and enthusiasm. My boss tells a joke and I slap my knees in hysteria. I whistle while I straighten up my desk. I make a To-Do list and dot the 'i's with hearts and smiley faces. I skip out of the office and leap into the elevator, grinning. "Have a good evening!" I practically sing to the parking attendant as I trot to my car.

...and I succesfully survived. (Enter exuberant feeling).