Monday, December 1, 2008

A Day in the Life of a Recent College Graduate

I've gone back and forth about posting this because it has no point and I wrote it out of complete boredom one day. However, several people liked it (and identified with it) so I've decided to officially post it. I have to point out that although both men and women read it only the women understood it/found it this may just be a post for females ;-)

A day in the life of a recent college graduate:

8am: Woken up by obnoxious alarm after a semi-restful night of sleep. Bedroom was strategically placed by a brilliant architect next to the hallway leading outside of the apartment building resulting in endless noise from impolite door banging and people who forgot what ‘indoor voice’ means. Despite lack of sleep, however, eagerness to start the day sets in. Today will be the day I will get things accomplished! People will be impressed with my hard work and effort! I’m going to enjoy a cup of coffee at my desk and quickly skim the news while I make a long “to do” list that will keep me occupied all day! It’s sunny outside and 75 degrees in October—it’s going to be a great day!

10am: Made a “to do” list…consisted of nothing urgent or important. Have emailed back and forth with roommate for 20 minutes deciding whether canceling cable would save money. End result: it will, by $20. Cancelled cable. Flip through yellow notepad trying to find things to follow up on. Notice that notepad is almost completely used and wonder what date I started to use it: July 27th. Wonder how many days I’ve used the notepad: 42. Wonder how many days I’ve used it in a row—phone call. Reporter got my voicemail and wants to do a story on client! Wahoo! Day is no longer boring! I am successful! Quickly send out email to coworkers in jubilation over my achievement. Receive “Great work!” “Keep it up!” in response. Feel satisfied and important. Encouraged by success decide to be on the verge of annoying and do another round of follow up calls to other reporters.

11 30am: Staring at computer screen. A box pops up notifying me ‘new message’ and a sudden thrill of excitement soars through my body as I rush to click on ‘Inbox’… “Last Call for 12% off Macy’s Fall Sale”. Suddenly feel envious of everyone in the world who spends half their day responding to work emails.

12pm: Trying to wait another hour before eating lunch, this way I will have only 3 hours left instead of 4.

12 30pm: Hungry and grumpy. Open Internet Explorer and type in “Jobs English major” in Google…Result: Public Relations, Communications, Media Relations. Snarl at the computer screen while tapping fingers on desk. Need to get a manicure. Have no money to get a manicure.

2pm: Full from delicious $2 Sesame Chicken Lean Cuisine feel refreshed. It’s 2pm! Only 3 more hours! Going to be productive! Brilliant idea pops into head to update excel sheets--change wording of column titles to more space efficient phrases, scroll up and down sheet carefully looking for any information missed, change dates from x/x/2008 to x/x/08.

3 15pm: In middle of serious AIM conversation with friend over life. Both feel bored, drained, worried about job. Feel better that someone is in the same boat.

3 25pm to 3:30pm: Compulsively check phone for texts every 30 seconds.

3 45pm: Wonder if I should quit job and look for something more interesting and intriguing. Wonder if I’m in the right industry. What about teaching? Research private schools in Dallas for open teaching positions. Research Education school at SMU. Research GMAT. Take sample GMAT verbal test. Feel smart for getting over half right. Basking in intelligence interrupted by boss—wants me to research trucker blogs for client. Nod enthusiastically while smiling. Hear the words “Sure, no problem! I’ll get right on it!” come out of my mouth. Look at trucker blogs and become engrossed in the daily lives of truckers. Wonder if I should become a trucker.

4 45pm: Slumped over desk nearly dead from boredom. Thankful I am not a trucker.

4 59pm: One minute.

5 00pm: Look around office for signs of movement. Hear door close. Casually walk out past receptionist. Manage an excited “See you tomorrow!” with a smile plastered on my face before walking out. Feel amazing. Feel like checking off a giant check box next to “Completed day at work”. Walk outside. See people clutching briefcases hurrying to their parked cars. Parking attendant waves at me. Feel like part of ‘the working group’. Remind myself everyone else my age is most likely experiencing the same feelings. Decide that this is ‘normal’.

5 05pm: Become really excited about working out…running by fellow 9 to 5-ers on the trail.

6pm: Feel good about run. Think maybe I should run a marathon. Half marathon. Make mental note to research half marathons when bored at work tomorrow.

7pm: Eat Campbell’s Healthy Request Chicken Noodle Soup while watching The Office. Wish there was a Dwight in my office.

8 45pm: Feel ridiculously old for being tired from doing absolutely nothing all day.

10pm: Staring at ceiling. Annoyed at fan for making a creaking noise. Entertain myself by blowing on Lola’s (fiesty and disobedient chihuahua mix) face until she sits somewhere else, then I repeat. Decide to turn fan off and suffer from lack of air circulation rather than listen to horrible creaking noise.

11pm: Convinced I forgot to lock door. Pad out into living room, check door-was locked.

11 10pm: Ponder over decisions made since graduation. Fall asleep.

11 11pm: Woken up by drunken stumblers banging into wall outside my bedroom. Hear “I want to make grilled cheese. No, I don’t have any cheese...boooo. Wait--I have velveeta!! Nooo you don't only use it for queso, it will totally work...we can grate it..." voice trails off, door slams.

11 20pm: Fall asleep.

1 comment:

  1. This was hilarious ... a wonderful description of life after graduation! I look forward to reading more!